Find Chuck Norris Wit and Wisdom at Chuck Norris Planet

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears
A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words
Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around
It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage
Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face
Chuck Norris built a better mousetrap, but the world was too frightened to beat a path to his door
Chuck Norris doesn't step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks.
Most boots are made for walkin'. Chuck Norris' boots ain't that merciful.
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink
Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy
How many Chuck Norris' does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, Chuck Norris prefers to kill in the dark
It is better to give than to receive. This is especially true of a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick
Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. The only difference is, then he kills people
Maslow's theory of higher needs does not apply to Chuck Norris. He only has two needs: killing people and finding people to kill
The truth will set you free. Unless Chuck Norris has you, in which case, forget it buddy!
For most people, home is where the heart is. For Chuck Norris, home is where he stores his collection of human skulls
Chuck Norris doesn't look both ways before he crosses the street... he just roundhouses any cars that get too close
He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He who lives by Chuck Norris, dies by the roundhouse kick
The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even the worst-laid plans of Chuck Norris come off without a hitch
Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked her into a glacier
The only sure things are Death and Taxes…and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing
To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Chuck Norris
There are two types of people in the world... people that suck, and Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris knows everything there is to know - Except for the definition of mercy
All roads lead to Chuck Norris. And by the transitive property, a roundhouse kick to the face
Two wrongs don't make a right. Unless you're Chuck Norris. Then two wrongs make a roundhouse kick to the face
Chuck Norris does not follow fashion trends, they follow him. But then he turns around and kicks their ass. Nobody follows Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris has banned rainbows from the state of North Dakota
They say curiosity killed the cat. This is false. Chuck Norris killed the cat. Every single one of them
Only Chuck Norris can prevent forest fires
Chuck Norris crossed the road. No one has ever dared question his motives
The term "Cleveland Steamer" got its name from Chuck Norris, when he took a dump while visiting the Rock and Roll Hall of fame and buried northern Ohio under a glacier of fecal matter
Chuck Norris is not Politically Correct. He is just Correct. Always
Chuck Norris doesn't kill two birds with one stone. Chuck Norris kills all birds, with two stones. The ones in his pants
Chuck Norris is the only man who has, literally, beaten the odds. With his fists.
For Chuck Norris, every street is "one way". HIS WAY
Occam's Razor says that the simplest answer tends to be the correct one. Norris' Razor involves a flick of the wrist and a Columbian Necktie.
Proponents of higher-order theories of consciousness argue that consciousness is explained by the relation between two levels of mental states in which a higher-order mental state takes another mental state. If you mention this to Chuck Norris, expect an explosive roundhouse kick to the face for spouting too much fancy-talk.
You can lead a horse to water but cannot make him drink, unless you're Chuck Norris
Cars were invented to have a faster way of fleeing from Chuck Norris. Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris invented the car accident
When there's a fire, you stop, drop, and roll. When there's a Chuck Norris, you stop, drop, and die
Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin that he built with his bare hands. Some people get lucky and kill two birds with one stone. Chuck Norris once killed four birds with half a stone. What's that? You say there's no such thing as half a stone? The four dead birds didn't think so either
See spot. See spot run. See spot get round house kicked in the face by Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris is a man of few words. Chuck Norris is not a man of few roundhouse kicks to the face
Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead
When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris
The following is a short list of things Chuck Norris cannot do:
Chuck Norris does not kick ass and take names. In fact, Chuck Norris kicks ass and assigns the corpse a number. It is currently recorded to be in the billions.
Chuck Norris doesn't step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks
The phrase 'break a leg' was originally coined by Chuck Norris's co-stars in Walker, Texas Ranger as a good luck charm, indicating that a broken leg might be the worst extent of their injuries. This never proved to be the case
The pen is mighter than the sword, but only if the pen is held by Chuck Norris
Two wrongs don't make a right. Unless you're Chuck Norris. Then two wrongs make a roundhouse kick to the face
If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris did in fact, build Rome in a day
Chuck Norris is the only man who has, literally, beaten the odds. With his fists
He, who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Chuck Norris … dies.
Chuck Norris is not only a noun, but a verb
When you say "no one's perfect", Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door
Some people say that Chuck Norris is a myth. Those "some people" are now dead
P is for Chuck Norris, as is every other letter of the alphabet
Whoever said "only the good die young" was probably in Chuck Norris's kindergarten class
In conversation, Chuck Norris often quotes himself, and then laughs about it

Chuck Norris Facts

They say curiosity killed the cat. This is false. Chuck Norris killed the cat. Every single one of them.

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