|
search |
|
facts by category |
|
other tough guys |
|
sponsored |
|
|
|
|
|
Wit and Wisdom
From chuck norris planet, a free chuck encyclopedia (not Wiki or Chuck Norris affiliated)
- The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist
- Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
- How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it
- The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears
- A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words
- Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around
- It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage
- Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face
- Chuck Norris built a better mousetrap, but the world was too frightened to beat a path to his door
- Chuck Norris doesn't step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks.
- Most boots are made for walkin'. Chuck Norris' boots ain't that merciful.
- Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink
- Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy
- How many Chuck Norris' does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, Chuck Norris prefers to kill in the dark
- It is better to give than to receive. This is especially true of a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick
- Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. The only difference is, then he kills people
- Maslow's theory of higher needs does not apply to Chuck Norris. He only has two needs: killing people and finding people to kill
- The truth will set you free. Unless Chuck Norris has you, in which case, forget it buddy!
- For most people, home is where the heart is. For Chuck Norris, home is where he stores his collection of human skulls
- Chuck Norris doesn't look both ways before he crosses the street... he just roundhouses any cars that get too close
- He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He who lives by Chuck Norris, dies by the roundhouse kick
- The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even the worst-laid plans of Chuck Norris come off without a hitch
- Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked her into a glacier
- The only sure things are Death and Taxes…and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing
- To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Chuck Norris
- There are two types of people in the world... people that suck, and Chuck Norris
- Chuck Norris knows everything there is to know - Except for the definition of mercy
- All roads lead to Chuck Norris. And by the transitive property, a roundhouse kick to the face
- Two wrongs don't make a right. Unless you're Chuck Norris. Then two wrongs make a roundhouse kick to the face
- Chuck Norris does not follow fashion trends, they follow him. But then he turns around and kicks their ass. Nobody follows Chuck Norris
- Chuck Norris has banned rainbows from the state of North Dakota
- They say curiosity killed the cat. This is false. Chuck Norris killed the cat. Every single one of them
- Only Chuck Norris can prevent forest fires
- Chuck Norris crossed the road. No one has ever dared question his motives
- The term "Cleveland Steamer" got its name from Chuck Norris, when he took a dump while visiting the Rock and Roll Hall of fame and buried northern Ohio under a glacier of fecal matter
- Chuck Norris is not Politically Correct. He is just Correct. Always
- Chuck Norris doesn't kill two birds with one stone. Chuck Norris kills all birds, with two stones. The ones in his pants
- Chuck Norris is the only man who has, literally, beaten the odds. With his fists.
- For Chuck Norris, every street is "one way". HIS WAY
- Occam's Razor says that the simplest answer tends to be the correct one. Norris' Razor involves a flick of the wrist and a Columbian Necktie.
- Proponents of higher-order theories of consciousness argue that consciousness is explained by the relation between two levels of mental states in which a higher-order mental state takes another mental state. If you mention this to Chuck Norris, expect an explosive roundhouse kick to the face for spouting too much fancy-talk.
- You can lead a horse to water but cannot make him drink, unless you're Chuck Norris
- Cars were invented to have a faster way of fleeing from Chuck Norris. Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris invented the car accident
- When there's a fire, you stop, drop, and roll. When there's a Chuck Norris, you stop, drop, and die
- Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin that he built with his bare hands.
Some people get lucky and kill two birds with one stone. Chuck Norris once killed four birds with half a stone. What's that? You say there's no such thing as half a stone? The four dead birds didn't think so either
- See spot. See spot run. See spot get round house kicked in the face by Chuck Norris
- Chuck Norris is a man of few words. Chuck Norris is not a man of few roundhouse kicks to the face
- Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead
- When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies
- When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris
- The following is a short list of things Chuck Norris cannot do:
- Chuck Norris does not kick ass and take names. In fact, Chuck Norris kicks ass and assigns the corpse a number. It is currently recorded to be in the billions.
- Chuck Norris doesn't step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks
- The phrase 'break a leg' was originally coined by Chuck Norris's co-stars in Walker, Texas Ranger as a good luck charm, indicating that a broken leg might be the worst extent of their injuries. This never proved to be the case
- The pen is mighter than the sword, but only if the pen is held by Chuck Norris
- Two wrongs don't make a right. Unless you're Chuck Norris. Then two wrongs make a roundhouse kick to the face
- If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris
- Chuck Norris did in fact, build Rome in a day
- Chuck Norris is the only man who has, literally, beaten the odds. With his fists
- He, who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Chuck Norris … dies.
- Chuck Norris is not only a noun, but a verb
- When you say "no one's perfect", Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult
- Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face
- Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door
- Some people say that Chuck Norris is a myth. Those "some people" are now dead
- P is for Chuck Norris, as is every other letter of the alphabet
- Whoever said "only the good die young" was probably in Chuck Norris's kindergarten class
- In conversation, Chuck Norris often quotes himself, and then laughs about it
|
Chuck Norris Facts |
They say curiosity killed the cat. This is false. Chuck Norris killed the cat. Every single one of them.
|
|
|
Home | Directory | Contact Us | Privacy Policy & Legal
|
|
|
|
| |