- Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink
- Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building
- Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move
- Chuck Norris does, in fact, live in a round house
- A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded
- Chuck Norris doesn't daydream. He's too busy giving other people nightmares
- When you say "no one's perfect", Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult
- If you're driving down the road and you think Chuck Norris just cut you off, you better thank your lucky stars it wasn't the other way around
- If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch
- Chuck Norris got a perfect score on his SAT's, simply by writing Chuck Norris for every answer
- Chuck Norris trick-or-treated as himself as a child
- Chuck Norris invented the question mark
- If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he'd kick your ass
- It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage
- Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors
- Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Chuck Norris
- When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris
- When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off
- Chuck Norris once roundhouse-kicked a ten dollar bill into 200 nickels
- Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris
- Chuck Norris does, in fact, live in a round house
- On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun
- Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move
- There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue
- Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red
- The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain
- Chuck Norris has never had a surprise birthday party. He can NEVER be surprised. EVER
- Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door
- If you rearrange the letters in "Chuck Norris", they also spell "Crush Rock In". The words "with his fists" are understood
- One time, Chuck Norris accidentally stubbed his toe. It destroyed the entire state of Ohio
- Chuck Norris can taste lies
- February 29th only occurs once every four years because Chuck Norris wills it to be so
- Chuck Norris IS RIGHT BEHIND YOU
- Chuck Norris' house has no doors, only walls that he walks through
- When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them
- Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas
- Fear is not the only emotion Chuck Norris can smell. He can also detect hope, as in "I hope I don't get a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris
- Chuck Norris is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time
- Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear
- Chuck Norris does not age. Every birthday, it's just another year added to his existence, which sucks for you
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| Chuck Norris Facts |
If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch.
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