- The first human alphabet consisted of only 'Mr.' and 'T'. Other letters eventually had to be created in order to describe things that were not, in fact, awesome.
- Mr. T once pitied a third of Europe. This event is now known as The Black Death.
- Mr. T is the reason your son is black.
- Mr. T's trademark phrase "I pity the foo" was in the first copy of the bible. It was later removed because his righteous gold chains were being worshiped as false idols.
- When Mr. T sleeps, he stores his gold chains in a special closet built for this purpose. We know this place as "Fort Knox".
- They've done studies, you know. Sixty precent of the time, Mr. T pities you all the time.
- The last person who touched Mr. T's gold chains was Helen Keller.
- Mr. T singlehandedly canceled "Friends" by frowning one time.
- Mr. T's dad once made him play Kiddie-Ball when he was little. The first time he was up to bat he hit a homer. They renamed it T-Ball in his honor.
- Richard Simmons is Vin Diesel, after being pitied by Mr. T.
- Mr. T has such a strong understanding of the English language that he can use the word "pity" as a preposition, adverb and a conjunction in a single sentence.
- Mr. T's sweat can be used to purify gold. In addition, he doesn't buy gold... it grows from his neck.
- At his current pace, Mr. T will have pitied every man, woman and child ever born by the year 2012. At that point, he will descend to Hell, offer a final pity for "that fool Devil," and ascend to take his rightful place as God's bouncer.
- Upon Realizing how many lives it would take to defeat the Japanese in WWII, Gerneral McArthur sent Mr.T and Chuck Noris plane tickets to a Anime convention in Hiroshima. I think we all know what happened next.
- In the beginning, Mr. T created the heavens and the earth. And Mr. T said, "Let there be fools"; and there were fools. And Mr. T saw that the fools were bad; and pitied them.
- The last time Mr. T took a dump and flushed it, people thought that there were alligators in the New York sewers.
- The only reason Mr. T is not Dr. T is because his thesis, entitled "Fools and Those Who Pity Them", only had a photo of Mr. T with his arms crossed. After the faculty questioned this, they were found dead with their testicles in their eye sockets, even the women. His thesis is still yet to be marked.
- When Mr. T looks at a Magic-Eye illusion, the image changes into a crying child and it never changes back.
- There was a time when Mr. T didn't pity fools. That time was called never.
- Every time a church bell rings, Mr. T pities a fool.
- Mr. T never learned to read. Letters learned to accomodate Mr. T's mind.
- According to Mr T only two languages exist: English and Jibba Jabba.
- When Mr. T folds his arms, the U.S. Terror Alert Level is raised to gold.
- Mr. T puts the 'T' in pity. Without the 'T' it would just be piy - and that's just plain silly.
- Mr. T speaks only when necessary. His main form of communication is folding his arms and slowly shaking his head. And regardless of the situation, he is always understood.
- Every night Mr. T prays: "God grant me the serenity to accept the fools I cannot pity, the courage to pity the fools I can, and some crazy chrome spinners."
- When Mr. T received his star on Hollywood's Walk of Fame, he made his hand prints after the cement was dry.
- Mr. T doesn't breathe, air just hides in his lungs for protection.
- Mr.T once punched Chuck Norris at the exact moment he roundhouse kicked Mr.T in the chest. the result was the 80's.
- The last man who made eye contact with Mr. T was Ray Charles.
- Every time a church bell rings, Mr. T pities a fool.
- April 1st became known as "April Fool's Day" only after Mr. T decided it would be easier to pity a whole bunch of fools on a set date rather than pitying a few fools each day.
- Mr. T once had a staring contest with a statue and won.
- Mr. T, Vin Diesel and Chuck Norris once took a sh*t in the same toilet. The result was Rosie O'Donnell.
- Human females have two X chromosomes. Males have an X and a Y. Mr. T has three Ys and a T. He's more man than you'll ever be.
5 out of 5 doctors recommend not pissing off Mr. T.
- If you could calculate the amount of pity generated by Mr. T every second, you could make infinity feel ashamed of being ridiculously small.
- Mr. T speaks only when necessary. His main form of communication is folding his arms and slowly shaking his head. And regardless of the situation, he is always understood.
- Mr. T once ate four 72 oz. steaks in 12 minutes. He spent the first 5 minutes laughing at the fact it takes Chuck Norris fifteen minutes to eat three.
- 23. That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has taken you to read this sentence.
- When Mr. T was circumsized his foreskin was not disposed of. Instead it was raised as a normal child, and it grew to love the game of basketball. Today we know Mr. T's foreskin as Shaquille O'Neal.
- Mr. T invented fools. Realizing the magnitude of his folly, he then created Pity.
- Gravity dosen't exist. Mr. T just pities everything to stay down. Birds and planes are exempt beacuse they are shaped like Ts.
- Mr. T can tear glass. Phonebooks are for fools.
- Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs. That's why he can only kick through doors.
- Mr. T is the reason the sky is blue. Don't ask stupid questions.
- Mr. T coined the phrase, "I see dead people," after the waiting staff at Denny's forgot his birthday.
- When creating the alphabet, Mr. T placed the letters M, R, and T in seperate areas so people could learn to read and spell without fear.
- Mr. T's edition of the VH1 show 'Where Are They Now' was the shortest in the show's history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of a black screen with the words "Right Behind You" written on it.
- Mr T's chains are not made of gold, they are actually made of curium, one of the heaviest elements in existence. They were put there by the CIA to slow him down, and you're lucky they do, fool.
- Mr. T pities the fool who doesn't pity the fool, thus creating a neverending loop of pity and pain.
- Mr. T is not black. It's just that the sun is to afraid to shine on him.
- Mr. T was once involved in a head-on car crash, and he was the only survivor. Mr. T was walking at the time.
- Despite popular belief, if there is a fool in the woods, and nobody is around to hear his jibba jabba, Mr. T is still able to pity him.
- Mr. T does not actually pity fools. He is just being sarcastic. No one has noticed because it is difficult to pick up such subtleties while being bludgeoned.
- There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Mr. T is going to walk.
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| Chuck Norris Facts |
Every night Mr. T prays: "God grant me the serenity to accept the fools I cannot pity, the courage to pity the fools I can, and some crazy chrome spinners."
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