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Religion
From chuck norris planet, a free chuck encyclopedia (not Wiki or Chuck Norris affiliated)
- In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer
- Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries
- A high tide means Chuck Norris is flying over your coast. The tide is caused by God pissing his pants
- There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well it does exist, and Chuck Norris finds it delicious
- The Bible was originally titled "Chuck Norris and Friends"
- Chuck Norris doesn't play god. Playing is for children
- Noah was the only man notified before Chuck Norris relieved himself in the Atlantic Ocean
- The 11th commandment is "Thou shalt not piss off Chuck Norris" This commandment is rarely enforced, as it is impossible to accomplish
- Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month
- The pen is mighter than the sword, but only if the pen is held by Chuck Norris
- Most people know that Descarte said, "I think, therefore I am." What most people don't know is that that quote continues, "...afraid of Chuck Norris."
- Lightning never strikes twice in one place because Chuck Norris is looking for it
- Chuck Norris stared evil in the face, and it backed down
- The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse actually live in Chuck Norris's nutsack
- Chuck Norris sent Jesus a birthday card on December 25th and it wasn't Jesus' birthday. Jesus was to scared to correct Chuck Norris and to this day December 25th is known as Jesus' birthday
- In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe
- The Bible was originally titled "Chuck Norris and Friends"
- In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer
- Chuck Norris has never been accused of murder for the simple fact that his roundhouse kicks are recognized world-wide as "acts of God."
- Chuck Norris doesn't play god. Playing is for children
- It's widely believed that Jesus was Chuck Norris' stunt double for crucifixion due to the fact that it is impossible for nails to pierce Chuck Norris' skin
- Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them
- Chuck Norris actually built the stairway to heaven
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The Bible was originally titled "Chuck Norris and Friends".
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