Find Chuck Norris Fighting Jokes and Facts at Chuck Norris Planet

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made
Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Chuck Norris's warm-up exercises
Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down
Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever
The last thing you hear before Chuck Norris gives you a roundhouse kick? No one knows because dead men tell no tales
Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don't be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat
What's known as the UFC, or Ultimate Fighting Championship, doesn't use its full name, which happens to be "Ultimate Fighting Championship, Non-Chuck-Norris-Division".
Chuck Norris began selling the Total Gym as an ill-fated attempt to make his day-to-day opponents less laughably pathetic
Chuck Norris is not capable of hitting a target on the broad side of a barn. Every time he tries, the whole damn barn falls down
If Chuck Norris round-house kicks you, you will die. If Chuck Norris' misses you with the round-house kick, the wind behind the kick will tear out your pancreas
Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye
Chuck Norris' Roundhouse kick is so powerful, that on the set of Sidekicks he single-footedly destroyed Jonathan Brandis' Career
Chuck Norris has never been in a fight, ever. Do you call one roundhouse kick to the face a fight?
If you were somehow able to land a punch on Chuck Norris your entire arm would shatter upon impact. This is only in theory, since, come on, who in their right mind would try this?
There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist
Jean-Claude Van Damme once kicked Chuck Norris' ass. He was then awakened from his dream by a roundhouse kick to the face
Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost
A man once claimed Chuck Norris kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time
Every time Chuck Norris smiles, someone dies. Unless he smiles while he's roundhouse kicking someone in the face. Then two people die
If Chuck Norris wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you
Chuck Norris has to register every part of his body as a separate lethal weapon. His spleen is considered a concealed weapon in over 50 states.
"Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" was originally written as Chuck Norris' theme song
Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.
Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't bring a gun to a Chuck Norris fight
Chuck Norris can kick through all 6 degrees of separation, hitting anyone, anywhere, in the face, at any time
Chuck Norris once roundhouse-kicked a ten dollar bill into 200 nickels
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks people in the face first and asks questions later
We don't know if Chuck Norris enjoys a good fight. He's never had one
When Chuck Norris throws a boomerang, the boomerang does not return because it is scared to come back
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there
When you open a can of whoop-ass, Chuck Norris jumps out
There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris
If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes
Chuck Norris once taught a class called "Ass Kicking 101". There were no survivors
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits
Chuck Norris could shoot someone and still have time to roundhouse kick him in the face before the bullet hit.
Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone
Chuck Norris describes human beings as "a sociable holder for blood and guts".
Chuck Norris has held the World Championship in every weight class at the same time
If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch
Bullets dodge Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face

Chuck Norris Facts

There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist

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