- Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
- Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
- Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
- Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
- Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it
- When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.
- In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.
- Nobody does it like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!
- Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage
- Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one
- Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold
- Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life
- Chuck Norris once sued Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr, insisting that that actually is "his" way
- Chuck Norris' favourite cut of meat is the roundhouse
- Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull
- Chuck Norris smells what the Rock is cooking... because the Rock is Chuck Norris' personal chef
- Chuck Norris does not eat. Food understands that the only safe haven from Chuck Norris' fists is inside his own body
- Chuck Norris kills anyone that asks, "You want fries with that" because by now everyone should know that Chuck doesn't ever want fries with anything. Ever
- Chuck Norris's version of a "chocolate milkshake" is a raw porterhouse wrapped around ten Hershey bars, and doused in diesel fuel
- Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Chuck Norris will beat his ass and take it
- Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky
- Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
- When Chuck Norris was a baby, he didn't suck his mother's breast. His mother served him whiskey, straight out of the bottle
- Do you know why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavors? Because Chuck Norris doesn't like Fudge Ripple.
- With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit
- Chuck Norris eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow
- Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told
- Chuck Norris likes his coffee half and half: half coffee grounds, half wood-grain alcohol
- Chuck Norris owns a chain of fast-food restaurants throughout the southwest. They serve nothing but barbecue-flavored ice cream and Hot Pockets
- Chuck Norris doesn't chew gum. Chuck Norris chews tin foil
- When in a bar, you can order a drink called a "Chuck Norris". It is also known as a "Bloody Mary", if your name happens to be Mary
- Chuck Norris starts everyday with a protein shake made from Carnation Instant Breakfast, one dozen eggs, pure Colombian cocaine, and rattlesnake venom. He injects it directly into his neck with a syringe
- Chuck Norris is a vegetarian. Meaning, he does not eat animals until first he puts them into vegetative state with his fists
- When Chuck Norris goes to out to eat, he orders a whole chicken, but he only eats its soul
- When Chuck Norris makes a burrito, its main ingredient is real toes
- When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.
- Chuck Norris' favorite cereal is Kellogg's Nails 'N' Gravel
- Chuck Norris likes his ice like he likes his skulls: crushed
- Most tough men eat nails for breakfast. chuck Norris does all of his grocery shopping at Home Depot
- Life is not, in fact, like a box of chocolates. It is more like a box of Chuck Norris, roundhouse kicking you in the face. And if you receive a box of Chuck Norris, you ALWAYS know what you are going to get
- There are now five cup sizes at Starbucks: Short, Tall, Grande, Venti, and Chuck Norris
- The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep
- Chuck Norris doesn't own a can opener, he just chews through the can
- Chuck Norris neither melts in your mouth nor in your hand. He shreds your trachea before ravaging your soul
- Before sliced bread, people used to say "Thats the greatest thing since Chuck Norris". But Chuck Norris was displeased by this. So he roundhouse kicked a loaf of bread into slices
- When Chuck Norris spits out watermelon seeds, he puts a machine gun to shame
- Chuck Norris eats eight meals a day. Seven are steak, and the last is the rest of the cow.
- The active ingredient in Red Bull is Chuck Norris's sweat
- Chuck Norris makes onions CRY!!!
- Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg
- Chuck Norris can have his cake AND eat it too
- Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, just what he had for dinner
- Chuck Norris isn't lactose intolerant. He just doesn't put up with lactose's shit
- Chuck Norris doesn't eat. Rather he kicks ass until he's full
- Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress
- Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter
- Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage
- When in a bar, you can order a drink called a "Chuck Norris". It is also known as a "Bloody Mary", if your name happens to be Mary
- Chuck Norris does not eat. Food understands that the only safe haven from Chuck Norris' fists is inside his own body
- Chuck Norris visits an active volcano every morning to get some of "the best damn espresso on Earth"
- Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Chuck Norris needs toothpicks
- Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky
- Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold
- Chuck Norris' favourite cut of meat is the roundhouse
- When Chuck Norris was a baby, he didn't suck his mother's breast. His mother served him whiskey, straight out of the bottle
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| Chuck Norris Facts |
When Chuck Norris was a baby, he didn't suck his mother's breast. His mother served him whiskey, straight out of the bottle
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