Find Chuck Norris Life and Death Facts at Chuck Norris Planet

Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.
Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.
When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies
When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum
The crossing lights in Chuck Norris's home town say "Die slowly" and "die quickly". They each have a picture of Chuck Norris punching or kicking a pedestrian
Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill
Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors
It is said that looking into Chuck Norris' eyes will reveal your future. Unfortunately, everybody's future is always the same: death by a roundhouse-kick to the face
Most people fear the Reaper. Chuck Norris considers him "a promising Rookie
The word 'Kill' was invented by Chuck Norris. Other words were 'Die', 'Beer', and 'What'
Not everyone that Chuck Norris is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts
Count from one to ten. That's how long it would take Chuck Norris to kill you...Fourty seven times
Chuck Norris has never been accused of murder for the simple fact that his roundhouse kicks are recognized world-wide as "acts of God
Everything King Midas touches turnes to gold. Everything Chuck Norris touches turns up dead
Whoever said "only the good die young" was probably in Chuck Norris's kindergarten class.
Chuck Norris once skewered a man with the Eiffel tower
He, who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Chuck Norris … dies
There are four legal methods of execution in the United States: lethal injection, gas chamber, electric chair and Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.
If you get roundhouse kicked in the face by Chuck Norris in your dream, you DIE!
Chuck Norris puts the FUN in Funeral
If you were killed by Chuck Norris, your tombstone would read RIP, ripped into pieces
Contrary to popular belief the Lottery numbers are not random. They are just the number of people Chuck Norris killed that given day
Chuck Norris was once asked to repeat himself. The last thing that person ever heard was the wooshing sound of a roundhouse kick
Multiple people have died from Chuck Norris giving them the finger.
You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you
Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death
If you make a list of 10 things Chuck Norris cannot do, he will appear at your house and perform them all. Your life may be forfeit
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing
Coroners refer to dead people as "ABC's". Already Been Chucked
The last thing you hear before Chuck Norris gives you a roundhouse kick? No one knows because dead men tell no tales
Some people say that Chuck Norris is a myth. Those "some people" are now dead
182,000 Americans die from Chuck Norris-related accidents every year
It is said that looking into Chuck Norris' eyes will reveal your future. Unfortunately, everybody's future is always the same: death by a roundhouse-kick to the face
In the medical community, death is referred to as "Chuck Norris Disease"
Thanksgiving is any day you wake up and realize that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself
Chuck Norris once pulled out a single hair from his beard and skewered three men through the heart with it
Q: How many Chuck Norris' does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, Chuck Norris prefers to kill in the dark.
Every time Chuck Norris smiles, someone dies. Unless he smiles while he's roundhouse kicking someone in the face. Then two people die
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone
Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live

Chuck Norris Facts

Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide

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